Will You Just Trust Me?
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
Yesterday I sent an e-mail to my community group, asking them to intercede on my behalf as I worked through a massive panic attack. Shortly after sending the message I started feeling better, so later that night I sent a praise report. In that message I shared my convictions that God was working on my heart, moving me back to a place where I believed with all my heart that he did hear our prayers and that he does care - even if he doesn’t always answer our requests the way we’d like or in our time frame. I opened up about the root of my distrust, during that time over eight years ago shortly after getting married when my life seemed to come apart at the seams. My chronic pain got out of control, I lost my job, my wife lost her job, we lost our home, having to sell it for a significant financial loss, medical bills drained our savings account, friends who initially were supportive just seemed to vanish - all this with my wife carrying our first child… I really began to doubt that God loved me or cared at all.
There are so many things in this confusing, fallen world that can work to undermine our trust in God. Alicia Bruxvoort from Proverbs 31 Ministries writes about this in her devotional “Will You Just Trust Me?” She starts by telling a story from when her son was just 2 years old - their small rental home had a hall closet overflowing with “stuff.” It wasn’t safe for her son to open the door, so she kept it shut, which eventually led to a massive meltdown. Sitting down with her son Lukas, she took his cheeks in her hands and said, “I love you too much to open this door! Would you please just trust me?”
I’m pretty sure there are times when God does the exact same thing with us! (I’m convinced he did with me yesterday afternoon and again this morning) Alicia’s struggles have been my own, and I think I could have written the very same words she penned:
For years, I’d been asking God to open doors for me — doors of opportunity and advancement, doors of healing and gain. But God’s answer in that particular season of my life was “no.”
Little by little, I’d allowed those closed doors to open my heart to doubts:
Maybe God doesn’t care about my dreams.
Maybe God doesn’t listen to my prayers.
Maybe God isn’t good all the time.
Sometimes our doubts are the very thing God uses to lead us back to the truth; I loved what Alicia had to say about this:
With the humility of a parent who is also a child, I finally recognized that God’s “no’s” aren’t a declaration of His displeasure, but an expression of His love.
God’s love is mighty enough to open any door and merciful enough to hold it shut. And when we remember that inarguable truth, we can admit that the closed doors in our lives don’t raise the question of God’s faithfulness; they reveal a quandary of our faith.
I may be 46 years old but I realize that in many ways I’m still a little child, especially when it comes to my faith. Maybe our heavenly Father is asking you the same thing he’s asking me - “Would you please just trust me?”