If God Really Loved Me … Moments of Doubt, Assurance of Faith

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 (NIV)

There was a time about ten years ago when my heart was secretly very heavy. On the outside my life seemed just about perfect - I was following Jesus, sharing the gospel with my friends when the opportunity arose, had a great job in Seattle, and enjoyed a robust and active life, exploring the glorious beauty of God’s creation in the Pacific Northwest.

However, on the inside, I was really struggling. I had experienced unspeakable joy in 2004 and 2005, walking with Jesus once again and enjoying deep, intimate fellowship with my church small group in San Francisco. By the end of 2005, things were beginning to change - many of my close friends started moving away from San Francisco, and then, one by one, the guys I were closest too got married. For some reason that really hit hard; my heart was still healing from the deep wounds of my 10 years of living in open rebellion against God, and the thought of even being in a relationship, let alone considering marriage, seemed impossible. Was this to be the story of my life, getting close to people, only to see them fade away as I was left alone with no one?

In the Proverbs 31 devotional today Lysa TerKeurst shares a similar story in “If God Really Loved Me …” A mother seeking advice for the hurting heart of her oldest daughter, who was watching her younger sisters get married; she desired the same thing but had never even gone out on a date. Her daughter was asking this anguished question that I know I’ve asked as well (maybe you have too), “If God loves me so much, why would He let this happen?”" Lysa’s wise response is to shift the focus and turn the question around to a statement of assurance and comfort, “God loves me so much; therefore I have to trust why He is allowing this to happen.”

Is trusting God in the midst of our pain easy? No - sometimes it is probably the hardest thing to do. I think that’s why Jesus admonishes us to build our house on the solid rock of God and his word, instead of the shifting sands of our own desires. When we start with the unshakable truth that God loves us, and move from there to his sovereign hand over our circumstances, we can find solace and rest in spite of our struggles. Living like we know God truly loves us changes everything!